


I Couldn't Hate Myself More...

by Cahlcifer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders era, maurauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cahlcifer/pseuds/Cahlcifer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, admitting your love for someone is hard. Especially in cases where it's taboo. Especially when you hate this person with every fiber of your being, but dammit you're young, and this is stupid, and the sooner you get it off your chest the sooner you can pretend like nothing happened....</p><p>Sometimes, you need to just ask "What the Hell?" and go for it.<br/>doubly so if you know you'll hate yourself even more for not even trying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Couldn't Hate Myself More...

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so good god almighty, i wasn't originally going to post this.... but then i thought "what the hell?" this is pretty much an AU where Lucius confesses his love for Remus (god knows why) because i got this as a prompt on my writing blog. 
> 
> i thought it would be really funny. so i did it.  
> please don't hate me.

Lucius hated admitting this to even himself, and he’d never would never under normal circumstances. In fact he was still cursing himself and wondering how this all came about. What did it even start with? Oh yes, that damned agreement between them. If he hadn't of agreed to treat Remus like a real person in the first place - he wouldn't be in this situation now. 

Lucius’ hands twitched by his side as he paced around his dorm room moodily. What was he going to do? He had to take care of it sooner rather than later otherwise things could spiral out of control and he would find himself doing something hasty and rash. He took a breath, trying to steady his nerves. Every damn time he looked at the dumb Gryffindor, he felt this warm feeling beginning at his feet and well up into his chest. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew exactly what this feeling was - Love. He had fallen in love with Remus. It wasn’t blindly either, it was just that he was smart. He was intelligent and amusing. Not the regular kind of amusing that mostly mean foolish and idiotic but actually funny. the damn mudblood made him rethink all of Lucius’ life decisions and it was scary. He wasn’t in familiar territory, it’d be different if it was just another woman, dare he say even easier. But it wasn’t, and the fact he was a mudblood made things even harder.

Gritting his teeth, Lucius walked to his desk, and sat down, drafting a quick letter before sending his owl off to deliver his message to the bastard, telling him to meet out on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. Lucius presumed no one would dare actually follow them out there. Especially if they saw Lucius with a grimace on his face. His owl seemed to take an eternity to fly back with a simple response of agreement. once he got the word, the grumpy Slytherin got up from his desk and immediately set out for his destination, a frown plastered to his face. He pushed anyone aside who got in his way, he was not in the mood. 

He arrived with haste at the border, and closed his eyes, breathing in and out. How the fuck was he going to say this? ‘Remus, i’m in love with you’. He’d probably laugh it off, and ask if he was drunk or under the effects of a love potion. Sadly, the results of his unfortunate affection were neither. 

Lucius saw Remus walking down the field, looking equal parts irritated and scared. Lucius’ heart jumped up into his throat, and he immediately wanted to back out. Telling himself to get a grip, he braced himself. 

"What did you want?" Remus demanded, not afraid to look Lucius full in the eyes. He hesitated looking over his shoulder quickly. 

"Not here. Too many people could see or have a chance encounter. I don’t want to be disturbed." Lucius responded gruffly, turning around so he wouldn’t be caught staring at the Gryffindor. 

"Woah, wait. You expect me to follow you into a forest, where you could probably easily kill me? No." Remus responded, folding his arms across his chest. 

"Relax, i promised to be civil didn’t i? Besides, killing you would raise more questions than it would fix. I don’t have time for that now. so just… come with me. Now.” Lucius responded tersely over his shoulder. He couldn’t do this, or maybe he could, as long as he wasn’t facing Remus. 

They walked a ways through the forest, until Lucius felt they were deep in enough, before turning back around with his eyes closed. He kept repeating his mantra in his head ‘i can do this, i can do this’. 

"Remus Lupin…. I have something to admit to you…" he said in a low voice. Making every attempt to steel his nerves and say what he felt. "I….I…..I’m in…. L….L…." He would have hexed himself for being so weak if he could. "I’m in….love….with…..you." he managed. looking down immediately. He could both hear and feel the stunned and amused silence coming from Remus. He braved a quick glance at his face, which was broken into a wide and fool-hardy grin.

"Don’t Mock me!" Lucius barked, glaring at Remus, whose expression faded quickly.

"Look Lucius, i’m not mocking you it’s just that -" he began, but Lucius cut him off quickly.

"I don’t need your sympathy! I don’t need your mock -friendship." He spat. He was a fool to even try this, he didn’t know why he’d even bothered with the confession. But maybe now that he had actual affirmation that Remus didn’t like him, he could move on with his life, and stop mulling over it.

"No! it’s not that-"Remus tried again, moving closer to Lucius.

"I don’t care about your religious views either, so spare me the lectur-" He began, but was cut off by a kiss from the Gryffindor.

"You realize you’re really fucking annoying when you think you know what i’m going to say, right?" Remus responded, a half grin on his face, and eyes bubbling with mischief.

Lucius was stunned. Were his… affections reciprocated? As if reading his mind, Remus closed the space between them with another kiss, wrapping his arms around Lucius, in a forceful kiss. 

"Yes, dumbass. I accept and reciprocate your admission of love." Remus told him.

Lucius was flabbergasted, and stood there for a good moment or two, before sweeping Remus up and kissing him deeper.

**Author's Note:**

> annnnd there you go. i don't.. i can't...  
> i can't justify this in any way shape or form.  
> and i am so sorry. 
> 
> i do hope you enjoyed it though!


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